Dear GALAR,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me with George Bush and his wife and I saw you pull the toupee off my mustard soufflé. I'm sure you're middle-class enough to understand that your Honda sucks. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep the oil stocks as a memory. You should also know that I never liked our friendship.

Disgusting regards,
Draggy

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in other news, i got an ipod touch